Radioterapia – tydzień pierwszy
Po zakończonej chemioterapii musiałam umówić się na radioterapię. Po trzech tygodniach zapraszają na tomograf, przed którym oczywiście jest wizyta lekarska. Sam tomograf trwa chwilkę i jest całkowicie bezbolesny – trzeba się położyć na łóżku, które znajduje się w obręczy skanującej. Leżymy bez ruchu. Przed samym tomografem zrobiono mi zdjęcie twarzy, dlatego warto pomyśleć przed o odpowiednim makijażu, fryzurze itd. Żart oczywiście 😛 Na podstawie tomografu planowane jest dalsze leczenie przez około tydzień w związku z czym zostałam zaproszona na 26.07.2016 r. na godzinę 10:30. Standardowo najpierw badanie krwi na 6 piętrze, następnie spotkanie z lekarzem, który przedstawia plan radioterapii – dla mnie było to 17 naświetleń dla piersi i 4 dla guza – razem 21! Ucieszyłam się, wydawało mi się, że to naprawdę mało – myślałam, że nie zdążę mieć skutków ubocznych 😀 jednak lekarz ostudził mój entuzjazm, że w trakcie leczenia wszystko się może zmienić.
Dlatego też postanowiliśmy z mężem powiedzieć wszystkim od razu, że proces ten potrwa 6 tygodni, żeby w razie jego przedłużenia nie pobudzać niczyjej wyobraźni, że na pewno coś jest nie tak itp.. itd. Snucie dziwnych historii na mój temat albo na temat raka jest bardzo niemile przez nas widziane 🙂
Po wizycie zaprowadzono mnie na symulator. Tam kazano mi się rozebrać do połowy i położyć na stole, zabroniono natomiast się poruszyć. Zgaszono światło i co kilkanaście sekund ktoś wchodził i rysował po mnie flamastrem – było to baaardzo przyjemne 🙂 Kiedy skończyli, mogłam się ubrać ale zanim to zrobiłam przejrzałam się w lustrze! Aż zaśmiałam się na głos! Od szyi po pępek, również na plecach miałam wyrysowane kółka, krzyżyki, elki, kreski i celowniki. Część rysunków zaklejono mi przejrzystymi ni to plasterkami ni to folijkami. Miałam tego dnia białą sukienkę, w którą częściowo wytarły się niezaklejone fragmenty malunków, reszta w pościel. Po wyjściu z symulatora zaprowadzono mnie do pomieszczenia, w którym fizycy obliczają dawki promieniowania, umówiłam się z nimi na 13:30 a w między czasie poszłam przepłukać port co trwało dosłownie minutkę (wkłucie i wstrzyknięcie „płukanki” bo nawet nie wiem co to było), zjadłam obiad w Pomarańczarni (kawiarnia w szpitalu oraz miejsce gdzie można się wychillować) i poszłam spotkać się w „interesach” z panią psycholog. Spotkanie przebiegło bardzo pomyślnie w przesympatycznej atmosferze ale to akurat mnie nie zdziwiło 🙂 – rezultat spotkania można obejrzeć na fanpejdżu.
Radioterapia we własnej postaci: siadasz sobie wygodnie na plastikowym krzesełku w korytarzu i czekasz na zaproszenie. Słyszysz swoje nazwisko, wchodzisz do kabiny, przekręcasz zamek w drzwiach, zostawiasz torebkę, rozbierasz do połowy i czekasz na kolejne wezwanie. Kiedy już się to stanie przechodzisz do pokoju fizyków a następnie przez grube na 30 cm drzwi do miejsca naświetlań. W sali stoi szklano-metalowy stół, na który trzeba się położyć z rękoma do góry i wpasować je w to fioletowe coś – nie wiem jak to nazwać. Na monitorach przeskakują obrazy z nazwiskiem i danymi pacjenta, zdjęciem twarzy robionym przy okazji tomografu oraz parametrami promieniowania. Gaśnie światło i uprzejma pani układa Twoje ciało tak, aby wpasowało się w ustawienia z symulatora, czyli według znaczników wyrysowanych na skórze. Kiedy już to zrobi, światło powraca i następuje niemal bezdźwięczne naświetlanie przez kilka minut. Później wchodzi pani, opuszcza stół aby łatwiej było z niego zejść. Wracasz przez pancerne drzwi do kabinki, aby się ubrać, zabierasz zieloną karteczkę i umawiasz się na jaką godzinę będziesz przychodzić codziennie. Ja umówiłam się na 16:30. W związku z tym, że zaczynałam we wtorek, musiałam też przyjść jeszcze w sobotę. Pierwszego i drugiego cała procedura naświetlania była wzbogacona o zdjęcia monitorujące zmiany w piersi w wyniku promieniowania oraz sondy badające jaka dawka promieniowania faktycznie trafia do ciała a konkretnie do piersi. Krążą różne opinie na temat mycia się podczas radioterapii. Obszar jaki ja mam naświetlany pozwala mi na normalne życie – mogę się myć oraz wychodzić z domu. Oczywiście myć bezzapachowym, łagodnym żelem o neutralnym pH, niczym drażniącym i brać szybki prysznic a nie moczyć w wannie. Nie wolno mi się opalać, nosić stanika i wycierać w miejscu naświetlanym a jedynie przykładać mięciutki ręcznik. Postanowiłam też nie pić alkoholu do odwołania. Musiałam uważać aby nie zmyć znaczników i dobrowolnie smarowałam skórę kremem po radioterapii – bałam się poparzenia i rumienia. Pierwsze 5 lamp minęło mi błyskawicznie! W związku z tym, że zaczynałam we wtorek, musiałam też przyjść w sobotę. Kolejny tydzień naświetlań minął bez rewelacji, natomiast w trzecim zaczęły się ekscesy. Najpierw ból prawej nogi. Zgłosiłam lekarzowi, prześwietlono kręgosłup, wszystko ok. Potem ból żołądka, taki jakby ktoś uderzył mnie pięścią, wymioty, wysypka na prawej nodze.. Wszystko naraz! Dostałam Tramal przeciwbólowo, zamiast Ketonalu bo oprócz tego wszystkiego drętwiały mi stopy, bolały mięśnie i kości ale to podobno normalne po chemii. Nie biorę już sterydów, które wcześniej mnie wzmacniały a teraz ciężko było mi się zwlec z łóżka choć jak się już rozruszałam to było znośnie 🙂
Na wysypkę miałam jeszcze jakąś maść ze sterydem. Dostałam leki przeciwwymiotne, których nie brałam, bo mam złe doświadczenia po chemii. Ból ustąpił, wysypka zniknęła. Dostałam też tabletki na swędząca skórę. Leki działały usypiająco ale to akurat dobrze, bo mam problemy z zaśnięciem w nocy (w dzień zasypiam jak niemowlę 😛 ). Co tam jeszcze? Aaa ciągle miałam niemiły smak w ustach więc zabijałam go nieustanni żując gumę cytrynową ale minęło już.
Zależało mi aby być w formie, ponieważ w długi weekend chciałam się spotkać z Kolegami ze Stowarzyszenia, do którego przynależymy z mężem z racji cukrzycy. Mieliśmy spotkanie integracyjne i to w mojej rodzinnej miejscowości, więc była też okazja do spotkania z rodzinką 🙂 Odkąd się wyprowadziłam rzadko bywałam na zebraniach a odkąd zachorowałam nie uczęszczałam na nie w ogóle :(( Po spotkaniu integracyjnym wpadliśmy na pomysł aby odwiedzić Berlin, co też uczyniliśmy. Weekend przypłaciłam odczynem na skórze w miejscach naświetleń. Podrażniłam ją ubraniami, w domu chodziłam toples. No nic, biegusiem do szpitala po weekendzie. Tego dnia, tj. we wtorek nie byłam naświetlana. Następnego musiałam udać się na symulator namalować znaczniki gdyż przed długim weekendem (w czwartek) zapytałam lekarki czy mogę na długi weekend odkleić plastro-folie ze znaczników, bo boli mnie pod nimi skóra a lekarka odkleiła mi je natychmiast i zabroniła ich przyklejać ponownie a zamiast tego codziennie odrysowywać znaczniki, co sprawiło, że przez długi weekend wszystkie się zmazały o! Dostałam kremy, opatrunki, coś do przemywania odczynu od przemiłych pielęgniarek z oddziału radioterapii. Przyszłam więc wcześniej ponieważ pani doktor (która chyba jest żoną doktora L – tego od USG) chciała mnie obejrzeć, tzn. ocenić czy „namaszczenia” pomogły, ten symulator i naświetlania od razu bez czekania do 16:30. Siostra oddziałowa zaproponowała abym codziennie przychodziła na opatrunki (namaszczenia kremami 😛 ) po naświetlaniu – skorzystałam skoro i tak byłam w szpitalu.. Następnego dnia tj. w czwartek zaproszona mnie na 11:00 na ostatnie naświetlenie piersi oraz na symulator, który jest tylko do godz. 14:30 w celu namalowania nowych znaczników do naświetlania guza. To było głupie! Równie dobrze mogłam wrócić do domu, umyć się – zmyć stare znaczniki i przyjść następnego dnia na symulator przed naświetlaniem. No ale cóż, namalowali mi nowe znaczniki na starych, tym samym kolorem. Wszystko wytarłam w pościel i w piątek miałam na piersi niezły galimatias. Trochę się denerwowałam, że mnie źle przez to naświetlą. W związku z tym, że w poniedziałek i wtorek nie byłam naświetlana to znów musiałam pojawić się w sobotę. W niedzielę zeszła mi skóra pod pachą a raczej odpadł mi jej duży płat więc w poniedziałek odwiedziłam znów doktor L, która zapisała mi krem robiony w aptece z witamin, antybiotyku i innych specyfików – r e w e l a c j a. Działa kojąco i regeneracyjne – widać to z każdym dniem! Po południu przed ostatnie naświetlenie, sondy, pomiary, zdjęcia. We wtorek ostatnie, w środę po wypis, przepłukać port jak co miesiąc i koniec kolejnego etapu. HURRA!!! Za miesiąc kontrola w poradni u mojego onkologa, który prowadził mnie w trakcie chemioterapii. Dlaczego u niego a nie u doktor L? Przekonacie się jak opowiem o mojej przyjaciółce chemii 🙂 Do tego czasu nakazano mi odpoczynek, odpoczynek i jeszcze raz odpoczynek aby szybko się zregenerować. Miałam nadzieję, że będę mogła wrócić do pracy, tak na to czekam! Doktor L kazała mi zapytać na oddziale chemioterapii co z wyjęciem portu ponieważ nie jest mi już potrzebny, więc poszłam do mojego onko i pytam o port i o pracę! A on mi na to, że teraz mam zdrowieć i odpoczywać a port jeszcze mam trochę sobie zostawić. Pytam go ile to jest trochę? Miesiąc? A on na to, że ROK. Chyba oszalał! Nie zgadzam się! Mówi dalej, że to tylko tak w razie W.. ale ja nawet w razie W nie zamierzam się już godzić na chemię więc.. W każdym razie mamy do tego wrócić przy okazji kontroli 😛 może mnie namówi, często mu się udawało 😛 Teraz będę się kontrolować w takiej ładnej poradni, w której mają cukierki czekoladowe w poczekalni 😀 już nie mogę się doczekać 😛
Ale się rozpisałam.. od razu widać ile miałam dziś wolnego czasu no ale zgodnie z zaleceniami leżę i odpoczywam 🙂 a ten kto mnie zna, wie, że najlepiej odpoczywam w kuchni 😛
Przy okazji chcę podziękować za wszystkie wiadomości: te z miłymi słowami wsparcia, te z Waszymi historiami, z Waszymi pytaniami i obawami, te które piszecie bo martwicie się o kogoś Wam bliskiego..
Ktoś zapytał mnie czy nie bałam się, że umrę.. No nie, nie bałam się. Jak już wcześniej pisałam – bałam się raczej marnego życia. Ale przyszło mi coś dzisiaj do głowy apropo pytania czy było warto.. Hmm owszem bolało i poniosłam wiele strat w ludziach, którzy mnie zawiedli, włosy, przybrałam na wadze, musiałam kupić większe ciuchy ale po dokonaniu bilansu wyszedł mi w sumie 100% zysk. Często miałam myśli o zgoleniu włosów, kto wie czy odważyłabym się na to gdyby nie chemia.. 10 kg więcej – dobra okazja do zakupów 😛 – ale wrócę do swojej wagi, Onko obiecał.. Czas? raczej go zyskałam dla siebie niż straciłam, moje życie zwolniło lekko.. Ludzie? może to lepiej, że tak się stało. Ale zyskałam wiele cennych znajomości, niezwykłych osób. Odzyskałam niektórych.. Nie wiem czy było warto, wiedziałam, że na końcu tej wycieczki nie czeka mnie nagroda, nie rozpatrywałam takich kategorii – potraktowałam to jak kolejne zadanie do zrealizowania i tyle.. Wiem, że na początku jest lęk i atak różnych myśli, dlatego jeśli się zastanawiacie czy umrzecie bo zachorowaliście na raka to odpowiedzcie sobie na pytanie czy wychodząc do pracy zastanawiacie się czy z niej wrócicie, bo może tuż za rogiem czeka pijany kierowca i Was dziś zabije. Stawiam, że w 98% NIE, więc nie polecam dręczyć się tą myślą dodatkowo w chorobie. A czy warto się leczyć? podejmować walkę? Nawet jeśli istnieje ryzyko wypadku w drodze do pracy (a istnieje zawsze) to i tak do niej idziecie i nie zastanawiacie się codziennie czy warto.. więc nie wiem czy warto ale na pewno warto podjąć ryzyko 🙂 Jeśli nie dla siebie to dla kogoś, komu na nas zależy, na kim nam zależy, kto nas potrzebuje.. a jeśli nadal nie ma dla kogo to dla mnie, bo mi zawsze zależy 🙂
Niech ODWAGA w podejmowaniu każdej decyzji zawsze będzie z Wami!
(w załączeniu zdjęcie aparatu, który mnie naświetlał – „TrueBeem II”)
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